Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
