**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
