Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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