Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
