She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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