Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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