shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
