eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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