I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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