yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
