Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
