I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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