he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
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Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
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I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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