i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize