i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
this is an emotional support booty call
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
