so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
