I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
