So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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