the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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