I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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