the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
