i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
