Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
