the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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