so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
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You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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