I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
