but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
