When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
