Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
