What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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