Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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