just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
