is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
