Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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