I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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