Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Randomize
