Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
