my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
