I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
