and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
