I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You don't make any sense
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