I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
