I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
