She's JV to your varsity
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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