Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
