This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
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her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
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I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed