Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.