I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
