Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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