it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.