Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Bring me that man meat
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"