I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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