you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.