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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.

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• (510): View more from California

  He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...

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  23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.

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• (289): View more from Ontario

  eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!

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• (562): View more from California

  I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress

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  These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice

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• (857): View more from Massachusetts

  You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future

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• (360): View more from Washington

  My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?

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