Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
