You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
