just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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