i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
