youre lurking in front of me
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
