I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Randomize
