if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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