your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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