You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
