okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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