is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
