I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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