I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
