Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
