Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
