my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
there is glitter all over my balls
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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