remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
