Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
