Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
false alarm, still single
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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