You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
