I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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